Nightmare

Around 5 o'clock this morning I woke up with a start. I had the sudden realization that I was, indeed, fat. I couldn't get this revelation out of my mind. I wanted to get up and exercise, hoping that it would quench my anxieties, but Keith was sleeping in the living room where my bike was, so I couldn't. I thought I could walk on the treadmill but it still being early I thought that too would wake up Keith. I went as far as getting my workout clothes and placing them by my bed. I decided to give it an hour and then I could justify been up and exercising. Needless to say, I feel asleep and didn't get back up to exercise. The story of my adult life.

I slept poorly last night. I woke up tired. I had big hopes and dreams for the day. As of yet, none have come true. Well, unless you count going to the grocery store, the library, and doing laundry, but those aren't the things of dreams, are they? No, just day to day dribbles. The 'have to's' of life. I still dream of exercising today but I feel like I have no energy, I'm just tired and sitting around on the computer in much easier. But that's why I'm fat and wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety over my current state of roundness.

I'm also feeling depressed. This is the week my son died 6 years ago. Everything is happening on the same day as it did when he died. I'm trying not to think about it. I drove passed his grave today. I just couldn't go in. I feel that I'm on the edge of a large bottomless pit and I'm wobbling, all it will take is one thing to knock me off balance and I will plunge to the cavern never to return. At times I feel as though I'm barley holding it all together.

Saturday will be Keating's 6th birthday. I can't believe 6 years have gone by without him. I often sit and wonder what he would be like, what things would he like and be into. Today, I ordered him a birthday cake, it's Scooby Doo. Malcolm likes Scooby so I thought maybe Keating would too.

Someone wake me when May and June are over.

Shel

Day 3

Day 3 was a bad day. I was just so sick. My stomach hurt and my head felt like I had laid down in the middle of the street and let an 18 wheeler drive over it and then backup over it again and again. It hurt to hold my head up straight. I just sat around and felt miserable all day.

Today, I'm feeling a little better but still not right.

Keith slept on the couch last night so I could try and get some sleep, but it's going on to 10:30 and he's still there. I can't exercise with him there and he wont get up and move. Yes, I've asked. I know what your thinking, "Just go in and start and he will move." I just can't do that to him. He works so hard for us and today he's going to be working around the house while I go out, I want him to get a good night sleep, even if that means letting him sleep on the couch until noon.

Today, I am going to see "Robin Hood". I have always been a big Robin Hood fan and I couldn't wait for this movie. I have to admit, I was disappointed that Russel Crow was playing Robin Hood but once I saw the trailers I got over that. I looks good. It hasn't gotten great reviews but I don't care. It's Robin Hood! Enough said for me. I will write my review of the movie after I see it but as you can tell, I'm a little bias to begin with.

Shel

Day 2

Day 2 has gone pretty well. I lifted weights and rode my bike. I have done pretty well on my eating too. So, Yeah for me!

I had a house full of neighborhood kids today. I'm pulling my hair out. I swear they come blowing in like a tornado and blow out just as fast leaving a trail of wreckage in their wake. My yard is a mess because of them. I asked my kids to help clean it up and they just complain. UGH!!!

I talked to my sister in NY, we are both Weebles. We're starting a Weebles support group. Right now it's just us, but, hey that's OK. She should be coming here and posting soon too. I'll let her introduce herself.

Well, that was today. No biggy, just me, a piggy! (sorry, I had to rhyme).

Tomorrow's another day, another path, watch your step.

Shel

Day 1

Today I started my 90 day challenge.

What is my 90 day challenge, you ask? Well, I want to exercise for 90 days and see how much weight I can loss.

The exercises I will do are: Lift weights, bike for 30 min, and do sit-ups.

Today, I have exercised for almost two hours straight.

I also want to eat a raw food diet but I have to wait until our next pay check to really start that. I am eating as raw as possible right now. I just don't have the money to buy a lot of food right now.

Well, that is today so far.

Shel